I started meditating when I was waiting for the results of an MRI of my brain. I was loosing sight in my right eye, and my ophthamologist, Dr. Podell, directed me to a neurologist, who arranged the MRI. Podell suspected MS. His mother had had it. I was forty-four and was at the end of my second year at Columbia University’s Film School, an actor turned writer/director. Waiting for the results, my brains were on fire, catapulting to a future that looked utterly impossible. My partner, Nola, who had been a meditator for years, gave me a little book. It had a Christian bent, (I’m not anymore. I love Jesus, but the Catholic Church did me in.), but Nola simply said ‘just read it. It’s really about loving kindness.’ So I did, and it quieted my brains. I must have read for over an hour.
I took the book with me when I went back to my apartment and eventually read myself to sleep. The next morning my mother called. Mom’s have a sixth sense, don’t they? In fact, Nola and I were just investigating having a child with my gynecologist. Mom just felt she needed to call me, not about anything, just to see how I was. So I told her about waiting for the results and how frightened I was. She said she would pray for me, and she told me to pray, and that whatever the results, it will be okay.
So I prayed. The Serenity Prayer, and the St. Francis Prayer, and two others I learned in Recovery. They were the only ones that worked for me. And a few hours later, the doctor called and told me I had MS and he slammed me into the hospital to administer a week of intervenous prednisone, and my sight was restored, and my life had changed.
That was thirty years ago. I still have my sight, I’m ambulatory, and I don’t think much about MS anymore. I take very good care of myself. I’ve recently retired from acting, and teaching ( which was the greatest gift). I completed three short films, all have enjoyed festivals, two received awards. Nola and I are married and have been together thirty-one years. I gave up on having a child. Still I’m very happy. That’s why teaching was an unexpected gift. I got to give away all I know on a daily basis. These days, I have all the health challenges that come with age, but they’re manageable. I have an excellent life.
And what keeps me realizing that is staying in the present. Living today. And what helps me do that is meditation. Nola and I meditate first thing in the morning every day. It makes the hugest difference in my perspective. I can’t live without it.
So that’s what this blog will be about. Insight meditation, vipassana. That’s because the first retreat I went on was in Barre, Massachusetts, and that’s what they taught. And the food was great!
Food for the body and the soul.
I intend to simply share my spiritual journal with you and invite you to share bits of yours in response.
Thank you for reading this.
Be well.
Namaste.
Hi Cynthia! Happy New Year! Remind me of how we initially met. I’m thinking Manhattan Theatre Club, but the past…
Caroline, I have thought of you so often over the years (decades!) and glad to have landed on this spot.…
So glad to have found you!
I love this blog!
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